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AARON THE GREAT Appearances
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Aaron the Great doesn't take no crap! When he's not pillaging or plundering, he keeps it real olde school. |
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ARTIE OJEDA Appearances
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Artie is everyone's favorite hispanic news anchor. Ron Burgundy better watch his ass because Ojeda's homies are ready to smoke him! |
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BERT MOONEY Appearances
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Although he is well known for his fulltime job as the president of a major west coast university, Bert Mooney is actually better known for being a douchebag |
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CHIEF GRIPPO Appearances
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Don't let his lazy eyes distract you, he's a decorated agent with over 20 years of service, who runs a tight ship. |
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CHUBZILLA JR. Appearances
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Chubzilla Jr. graces the Marco Film's set on two occassions. Once as Rufas Americana's best friend, and then in an most inappropriate way in Shvigglefacin!, where he is fondled by a naked primate. |
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COLIN QUINN Appearances
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Colin Quinn plays himself in the first Marco Film where he makes the mistake of choking the wrong guido. |
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COUSIN MARCO Appearances
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After surviving the nearly deadly rumble with a drunk Colin Quinn, Cousin Marco exacts his revenge by calling in some family loyalty. |
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DICK DOUBLEDAY Appearances
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He smokes the cigs, he tackles the perps, he is the enforcer. The only thing more unstable than his temper is his trigger finger and he's never afraid to unleash either. PS- He's driven a racecar before. |
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DON MARCO Appearances
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The man that started it all! Don Marco can sledge you to death without breaking a sweat or smudging his Pumas. |
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FRUIT TWEAKER Appearances
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If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. This mid-level fruit addict learned this the hard way: with a face full of dick. |
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HUNCHBACKS Appearances
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After centuries of being shunned, the hunchbacks have started speaking out against their fairy enemies: the leprechauns. |
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JIM NEWBANKS Appearances
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The man behind the camera. He found Thurgood and made him into a star, and won the coveted Bronze Centaur in the process, jealous much? |
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JOHNNIE COCHRAN Appearances
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Johnnie was kind enough to help the Marco Films team out just 3 days before his death. The world's most infamous lawyer will be missed. |
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KARL MALONE Appearances
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NBA All Star Karl Malone got owned by some little jew boys, but after finding his true love during the filming of Dick Bruise Face, he ain't complaining. |
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KEITH KILLMORE Appearances
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Agile, Quick, Cunning, and Determined. Keith represents the brains and driving force behind the USDA duo, but that doesn't mean he can't kick a lot of ass when he has to. |
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LEPRECHAUNS Appearances
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The timid little Leprechauns didn't say anything in their Marco Films debut but I think we all knew what they were thinking. |
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MAYOR Appearances
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The Mayor doesn't tolerate two things in his city: Being late, and not having condiments. He's a no-nonsense kinda guy alright. |
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MUSTARD MAN Appearances
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"I am Mustard Man, out to promote the friendliest of condiments!" - nough said. |
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RUFAS AMERICANA Appearances
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Rufas is a simple music pioneer. He invented Blues, Rap, Soul, Country, and believe it or not: Free Form Jazz. Some consider Rufas the most sincere of all the Marco Films' characters. |
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SIR STEWART WALLACE Appearances
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What's in the case Stew? Whatever it is, I hope it's waterproof. |
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SPARX JOHNSON Appearances
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Tooty Fruity's righthand-man. Known as the fastest man with a carrot on either side of the Mississippi, Sparx is also a Jujitsu master, an avid Bruce Lee fan, and a long time suscriber to the Leather Jacket Quarterly Journal. |
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SQUEEZY LIMONE Appearances
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This tough talking citrus whore is fresh out the joint and back up to his old tricks. Would you buy Hi-C from him? |
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THE HOT CHICK Appearances
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Keith Killmore should have kept on walking. She'll rip off your head and pour coffee down your neck without breaking a sweat. |
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THE SQUAWK BROS. Appearances
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Hired produce goons whose low IQs are matched only by their terrible marksmanship. They don't last too long up against the USDA. |
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THURGOOD WALKER Appearances
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What can we say about Thurgood? Well, he's the best gas station attendant....ever. He has a nice pad, he can hold his booze like a champ, and the ladies love him. |
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TIM DUNCAN Appearances
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Tim's performance on the court was less than ideal in Dick Bruise Face, but how was his performance in bed? Just ask Karl. |
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TOOTY FRUITY Appearances
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With his no-nonsense attitude, business savy demeanor, and chromed out Colt .45, Tooty Fruity demands respect. He represents everything that is soulless and evil in the black market world of agricultural fraud. |
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VERNON Appearances
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Vernon has taken first place in the annual Bloodsport competion five years in a row. When he's not helping young ninjas with their roundhouse kicks, or young starlets with their horror screams, he spends his time flip-flop shopping. |